Things are finally starting to slow down a little bit, but over the last five years, my friend group went through a bonanza of weddings.
We’re talking four to six weddings per year, with some time periods cramming as many as three into a single month. And a notable portion required both domestic and international travel for the wedding itself.
Needless to say, I feel like a wedding guest professional at this point. From airfare to outfits to lodging and gifts, I’ve dropped a lot of money and time on these weddings.
Some things I learned the hard way, but my mistakes are your gain. Here’s everything you should know ahead of attending any destination wedding.
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Budget Accordingly
First thing’s first, we’ve got to talk about the finances.
Destination weddings require more spending than a local wedding, and costs can add up pretty quickly. And almost always, wedding guests pay their own way.
“For low-key domestic destination weddings—like a beach weekend in Florida or a mountain lodge in Gatlinburg—guests typically spend $1,000 to $1,500 per person when you factor in flights, hotel, and incidentals over a few days,” says Joshua Kackos, a wedding finance expert and founder of The Wedding Ticket.
Some popular destination wedding locales are also notoriously expensive, such as Napa, Vail, or New York City, and international weddings cost even more. Kackos says a destination wedding in Mexico or the Caribbean usually runs $1,000 to $1,500 per guest, but Europe can easily reach $5,000-plus once you factor in transatlantic flights and accommodations.
Before RSVP-ing yes, do a quick search on flights, local transportation, and lodging. Add everything up and make sure it’s a price you’re comfortable paying on top of a gift.
In some cases, it’s easier to stomach if you’re going somewhere exciting and getting a vacation out of it, and it’s usually worth it to watch a dearly loved one walk down the aisle.
But if it’s going to cost an exceptional amount to visit a location that’s not high up on your travel list, or the couple are just loose acquaintances, you might want to rethink attending.
Buffer in an Extra Day or Two
I’m gonna be real with you. Arriving on the same day as the wedding is a recipe for stress, chaos, and (first world) catastrophe. A delayed flight can mean missing an important welcome dinner, or showing up to the first evening’s events looking like, well, you just came off an airplane.
Michele Schwartz, CEO of Jet Setting with Me, says, “Build in a buffer day. Arriving the day before wedding festivities begin gives you time to get there, settle in, recover from travel, and actually be present for the events that matter.”
I’ve personally tried it both ways, and having a full extra day, or making sure I arrive really early on the first day, is always the best option from a logistical and emotional POV.
Plus, it will feel more like a vacation with added time on the ground, and that will feel worth it after spending more money than you normally would to attend a wedding.
Read the Wedding Website Early & Thoroughly
The wedding website wasn’t just built to show off some cute photos of the engaged couple. It’s a hub of pertinent information, including what’s on the agenda, where everyone’s staying, dress codes, transport details, and beyond.
This helps you plan everything from what to pack in your suitcase to where to book your lodging. You also can often save money by booking a room at the couple’s suggested hotel, where they might have discounted rates as part of a room block. That can save you a lot of money, especially if the wedding takes place on a peak summer weekend.
On that note, Kackos says to book early. “Room blocks expire and flights spike. Guests who wait until three months out often pay double,” he says.
Emily Reno, owner of Elopement Las Vegas seconds this. She says that even if there’s not a room block, or you’ve opted to book on your own elsewhere, you should do so early.
“I've seen guests wait too long, only to find flights have doubled in price or nearby hotels have completely sold out,” she says. “Even when couples reserve room blocks, those rooms are only held for a limited time before they're released to the general public.”
Treat it Like a Vacation
Destination weddings usually involve a full weekend of activities centered upon the happy couple, but that doesn’t mean you can’t bake in your own fun.
Treat this trip as a vacation, because it is one. In the past, my husband and I have penciled in a full morning or afternoon to do our own thing, which helps make the experience feel more worthwhile. For us, this has been as simple as brunch at a buzzy restaurant, or a local tour exploring the culture, history, or wildlife.
“There’s bound to be something there that you want to do that isn’t included in the wedding itinerary, and you should make time to do it on your own,” advises wedding planner McKenzi Taylor, founder of Cactus Collective Weddings.
She says this is perfectly kosher, so long as you don’t miss an important wedding itinerary item. That also means buffering in enough time so you’re not late to an event.
If time allows, we’ve even extended a destination wedding trip on the front or backend, so we have more time to explore the destination itself or jetset somewhere else nearby as an add-on.
We’re actually doing this next spring; some friends are getting married in Puebla, Mexico, and we’re having other friends come to Mexico City for a few days ahead of time to explore together.
Pack Important Items in Your Carry-on
I’ve had my suitcase delayed or lost way too many times when traveling to hope for the best at the luggage carousel. For important events like a wedding, pack light and go carry-on only, especially if you’re just dropping in for a weekend and don’t need clothes for more than a few days.
I’ve seen friends stressing the entire weekend at a friend’s wedding because their stuff was delayed or being held captive at some random airport.
And even if I absolutely have to check a bag, I always make sure to keep the most important items with me in my carry-on suitcase. This becomes extra important for a wedding weekend full of social events.
My carry-on bag is always packed with necessary event outfits, particularly for the wedding itself, plus a change of undergarments, swimsuit, my cosmetics and haircare products, medications, and nice jewelry.
Practical items, like a phone charger, have also come in clutch when dealing with a lost suitcase.
Let the Couple Chill
You’re apt to have a lot of questions leading up to the wedding and during the weekend itself. All the other guests have questions, too, and everyone directing their questions to the couple can become overwhelming.
“Find out who is coordinating the travel for the group, and direct all of your logistical questions to that person,” Schwartz advises. “If the couple has a travel advisor managing the group, that advisor is your resource for everything from transfer timing to dress code to arrival logistics.”
Basically, you don’t want the couple fielding questions about airport pickup schedules the week of their own wedding. That is precisely the role their travel advisor or wedding planner is hired to do. If there’s no one officially in that capacity, reach out to other visiting friends and leave the couple alone to enjoy their weekend.
The Shortcut
Expect to pay anywhere from $1,000 to $5,000+ per person for travel expenses, depending on the location.
Arrive at least a day before the festivities begin. Landing same-day is a recipe for a stressful start to the weekend.
Read the wedding website early, and book hotel rooms the moment the invite arrives. Room blocks are often limited with rate expiration dates.
Pack event outfits in your carry-on, or better yet, only pack a carry-on. You don't want to be scrambling for an outfit in the overpriced resort boutique if your checked bag goes MIA.
Etiquette tip: Route logistical questions to the wedding planner or point person, not the couple.
